Why focus on the Nervous System?

 

Our Autonomic Nervous System (including the Sympathetic and the Parasympathetic Nervous Systems) is the primary system in the human body designed to keep us alive. 

 

If our Nervous System is not operating optimally, it is like we are running a very old computer operating system: we might be able to print or send an email or two, but it will be a very slow process and filled with glitches. We may be able to get through our day, but we may misplace things, have trouble communicating and focusing, lose ourselves in worry, procrastination, or having PTSD-like behavioral responses. When our Nervous System is not functioning properly, it’s like trying to help others, while not having enough oxygen to breathe ourselves. 

 

NOTHING can be done if we don’t have oxygen. 

 

When we give our Nervous Systems more care than we think they need, not only do we survive risky situations, but we are able to be heroes for others as well. 

 

Don’t just be satisfied with operating at 60%, or even at 90%, when you could be giving to the people you love at 97%. 

 

 

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Resilient people choose to direct their attention. 

Focus on these when it is wise to temporarily compartmentalize the adversity to provide a nourishing break:

 

Fill yourself up on what resources/ rejuvenates you regularly and frequently:

- what you are grateful for 

- a place you looooove to be 

- a being who is bigger, wiser, stronger, kind who attunes to you/ pays close attention to you because they care, while approving of you. (Keep in mind that this being can be a compilation of several real or imaginary beings, creating your perfect mentor/ loved one/ refuge, etc.) 

 

For each of these, elongate the moments you think about them by noticing more specifics about your body senses as you imagine each one. 

What does each smell, taste, look, sound and feel like? How do you notice your enjoyment of them? 

Ie: for places: where do you feel your body let go or come alive when you are in that place

ie: for beings: sense them nearby, feel their arms wrapped around you, imagine them looking at you and approving, etc. 

 

Rick Hanson suggests that we “Take in the Good.” 

 

I recommend that we “Rest in the Good” and "Elongate the Good."

 

Choose a physical gesture that reminds you of your being, so you can bring that being CLOSE to you ANYTIME you want or need. 

 

 

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Co-regulation:

For some people, it is easily to regulate themselves WITH another person. (For some people, it is initially easier to self-regulate.)

 

Exercise: 

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Trace the Vagus Nerve pathway with your hands. Yes, “feel yourself up.” (Humor is regulating.) 

 

Pathway: 

- Base of skull

- eyes, cheeks, around the mouth

- back to base of skull

- down sides of neck to front middle collarbone 

- down front center of chest to sternum (base of ribs) 

- spread out all across belly 

- down to genitals and anus

 

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Use Creature Comforts to self- or co-regulate: 

(I list these by tracing the experiences of the body parts along the Vagus nerve pathway.) 

 

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When we regulate our own Nervous Systems such that others can feel our calm engagement, are drawn to us, and can pattern themselves off of us, we have become Master Regulators. The more of us who give our Nervous Systems exquisitely generous amounts of regulation, the more of us can share that regulation and inspire others. 

 

 

 

 

1. “Vagus Stroke” = Remove anything on your chest that might prevent a smooth stroke down the center of the chest, ie: necklaces, buttons, zippers, glasses, wrinkles in your shirt. If you are bare chested and your chest skin or hand are sweaty, place fabric across your chest so your hand can smoothly stroke downward. Stroke your chest. Use a fully spread, but relaxed, heavy hand. Imagine you are stroking a large (friendly) dog with thick fur. Let the weight of your arm come through your hand. Start at the base of your neck, on your collarbone. Stroke downward only. End at your sternum (the bottom of your ribcage). (If you have larger breasts, stop when your hand can’t contact your ribcage any more, generally above the breasts.) Stroke slowly, soothingly, repetitively, as if you are petting yourself for reassurance. You are. You may notice yourself swallow, breathe more deeply, yawn, and blink more slowly. Stop when you feel very calm, but before you feel more sleepy than you’d like to feel. 

 

You can, and I encourage you to, do this in public. Your body is yours. You are not doing anything unreasonable in public, like stroking your genitals. And if anyone were rude enough to challenge you or curious enough to question you, you could cheerfully respond “This is a new technique I learned to help calm myself down. Would you like me to teach you?” Prioritizing your Nervous System regulation above ALL else is THAT important.

 

2. Exhale with sound. Exhaling with breath is not enough. Make a slow, low sound as you exhale. When your ears hear this sound, your brain understands that there is no way that the “saber-toothed tiger” could possibly be chasing you. If you were that afraid and stressed, the muscles around your larynx would tighten up, and the sound would be higher and jerky. “Prosody” is tone of voice, and it is the first/ strongest way that our brains know that a threat is near, or that there is no threat around to alert others. Practicing a lower voice and slower speech pattern (especially women) will have others relax more around us. 

If you prefer not to make sounds out loud in a public environment you are in, you can close your lips and make the low sound very quietly. Your voice will resonate in your throat, ears and head, and you will still be able to hear and feel yourself, though others will not. 

 

3. Slowly rotate head side to side. If the “saber-toothed tiger” were chasing us, the muscles on the sides of our neck would lock in place, relaxing only long enough to snap our neck quickly around to look behind us, and then back into place to look forward. By rotating our necks slowly from side to side, we not only massage/ stimulate the vagus nerve on the sides of our necks, we communicate to our Nervous System that we are apparently safe, in order to move in such a slow and relaxed way.

 

4. Verify that your environment is physically safe. Either make friendly eye contact with others (and even smile!), or notice how safe your physical environment is: The walls are connected with the floor, and with the ceiling. If there were a hailstorm outside, you would be physically safe and warm and dry. Ask the question “Are there any 'saber-toothed tigers” in the corners?" Actually look and check. I often notice that my Nervous System calms down on my third check, but yours may calm sooner or later than that.

 

5. “I’m not dying now.” The PRIMARY question your Nervous System needs answered is “Am I going to die?” In average-or-high-level stressful situations, from running late for a presentation, to losing a relationship or a job, the most direct response would be “I’m not going to die.” When someone is living in a high risk area, I suggest making the answer more unarguably accurate for our brains in the moment “I am not dying now.” This intense, black or white question is generated by our amygdala, the oldest. “lizard”, survival part of our brains. Some people may worry about phrasing our response to include a negative. However, this part of the brain is not concerned with whether or not we use negatives, and we must meet the intensity of the question with the intensity of our response. “I am NOT going to die.” “I am NOT dying now.” Being fierce with your attention is very useful in this case. Speak the phrase out loud, and repeat it many times until you feel yourself start to calm down.

(The secondary question our Nervous System asks is “Do they like me?” No matter how much we think we have evolved to indifference at others’ approval, our social animal needs for survival will always notice and be affected/ afraid if we detect disapproval in the slight non-verbal facial expressions in those around us. We hope “they like us,” so they don’t kick us out of the social group, so we don’t die… bringing us full circle back to the primary question our Nervous System asks.)

 

 

Our Nervous Systems will never stop alerting us to danger, thank goodness… there is no “evolving” from that. However, we can learn to comfort and soothe ourselves as quickly as possible. 

 

 

Please use these 6 hacks as often as possible, even to bring you from 50% to 51% calm. 

 

Or from 90% to 95% calm… to enable you to become Master Regulators. 

 

Please feel free to spread the word about these 6 Hacks, and please do give me credit when you do. 

 

www.CalmAndEngaged.com

Kimberly and I hope these tools will serve you today, tomorrow, and every day you use them. This is our gift to you. Please spread the word and help others with this info as much as possible. 

 

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If you need some engagement/ upregulating/ stimulation after all this uber-calming during class, some great options are:

- listening to something funny

- listening to your favorite music, then moving to that music

- doing 10 jumping jacks

- masturbating (but maybe not climaxing for men)

- calling your friend to tell them what you learned in this class. Teaching it will also help you remember it.