And So Maybe You Have Tried, But You Struggled.
And you haven’t found a solution that consistently works,
but *I see* that you KEEP TRYING.
And I want you to get points for that.
I know that you fight battles every day,
to fulfill your obligations even though they might not inspire you,
to provide a better life for the people you’ve chosen to be responsible for,
and then come home and work to meet emotional needs that you possibly haven’t been well trained to meet,
sometimes without your home being that warm, welcoming port in the storm…
I feel you.
I SEE that you are committed to making a difference in the world, in your family, and for the women you care about.
And you won’t stop until you do.
Now My Son is Grown.
He is in a men’s group and recently got married to his best friend. They’ve had weekly check-ins about their relationship for a couple of years, and their wedding vows were so emotionally literate that… well, I was stunned into silence.
I heard how well they were able to care for the nuances of their emotional world, and I let go.
It’s the primary goal I did ALLLLL that work for… to (long ago) give him a framework so that today, he has the ability to say those things, to want those things, to choose and work for those things …for himself
… and she benefits too.
“If you are stuck in any sort of relationship with your mother, lover, wife, female friend, sister or daughter then let Erin help you navigate your way to something new and fresh.
In just one evening at my Mankind Project men’s group in Denver, she created with us a powerful, purposeful and healing container the likes of which I have always dreamed of being possible. Erin made it happen with us.
In the work she facilitated for me, I was able to see a different way to show up in my relationship with my 4 sisters. I am deeply grateful. We want her back at our circle again very soon.
If you want to get unstuck, she's the one!"
James Creasey
Founder/ CEO of Jiminy Wicket
I Didn’t Always Use to Be. I Didn’t Feel Like I Had Much to Appreciate About Men.
I grew up in the Bronx and I was directly taught “You never know who your next attacker will be.”
And, “by definition,” that would be a man.
So I would put on my armor, thinking that I was walking out into a world full of attackers.
When I learned that a testosterone-based being's primary instinct (when they are psychologically healthy) is to PROTECT…
It changed my life.
I Now Eagerly Walk out my Door, Feeling Like I’m Walking into the Arms of Protectors.
I relax. I smile. I glow.
Like I’m walking outside on a warm, sunny spring day.
I also know that if I were ever not protected, that it would be an expression of an individually wounded man, not “men” as a whole.
My perception of safety in the world
(provided by men just BEING men, not DOING anything)
fills up my tanks.
Changes my entire way of being in the world.
Warms me. Softens me.
Fills me with appreciation.
And makes me want to give back to men.
I KNOW How Much Responsibility You Take in Your Life
for your partner’s and your family’s safety, health, and happiness
(past, present, and future)...
Even more so than your own.
I see that under stress you can isolate yourself and buckle down to work harder than ever. And I know that even though you experience being
- misunderstood
- unappreciated
- dishonored
- the only one working,
you will still meet your obligations to provide for the people you love.
Because your word means that much to you.
I honor who you are.
I value your masculinity SO MUCH not only in MY world, but in THE world.
I see the contribution you make to the world, just by BEING a man.
Therefore, I Want to Offer You the Best of Me...
my communication skills,
my appreciation,
and my fierce care!
For example, when I hear men saying things (to women) that the women misunderstand,
I wince,
Knowing that there’s NO way you could have known how women may interpret what you say…
Unless you are taught specifically how estrogen-based beings react, hear and prioritize.
Which is What I Do in My Work.
I want you to be appreciated.
- I wonder if you are being fully appreciated now. The way you would most enjoy.
- I wonder if you *know* how you would most like to be appreciated.
- And I wonder if you have ever tried to communicate that to a woman… and how she heard you
Because I want you to be happy.
I want to guide you in building relationships that are:
- filled with winnable challenges,
- where it is worth it to you to give her your full attention, because
- she feels deeply accepted and known by your attention, and therefore
- gives you her full admiration, respect, and appreciation.
Ultimately, I Want to Help Teach You Specific, Practical Skills With Which You Can Create a Safe Home... For Yourself.
So you can use it as a rock solid foundation from which you take on the risks and challenges you choose.
I Get Great Joy from Teaching Women How to Understand a Man’s Behavior.
I love teaching women how to receive the gifts that men consistently offer… And how to be willing to show men how deeply those gifts actually affect them.
However, I get even more satisfaction from teaching men how to understand a woman's behavior, [our deepest need above all others, and our one deepest desire] hyperlink to $20 pocket product.
I guide men in how to track when women talk, and how to stay grounded and loving through the intensity and frequency of our estrogen-fueled ever-changing emotions. (I know those can be hard to go through!)
Finally, I let men know the [most powerful gift] hyperlink to $20 pocket product you can possibly give to women.
Help Me Champion You.
I long for fight for the world to see the #HealthyMasculinity that is ALREADY all around us.
And to give you more relationship tools. The point of what I do is...
- for you to have an easier time in your most important relationships,
- for you to hear the signals your body is giving you (because it can guide you in communicating with women)
- so that you understand how powerful you really are in effecting change in your relationships.
When you Learn Some ACTUALLY Simple Techniques That Work with Women, Women will Experience You as a Jedi.
A woman’s strength is often in her verbal and emotional skills. (Which is probably not what you were taught from a young age.)
What would it be like to learn some straightforward, effective tools (from a very direct and loving woman) that give you skills to succeed in her verbal and emotional world?
… allowing her to feel deeply satisfied from the easy Jedi-level attention you provide?
I really get that you want her to be safe, satisfied, and happy.
I’d like to help you become that Jedi more easily.
All of the training in my life has prepared me for this job.
Don’t buy if you don’t want to :)When I was First Training to Become a Coach, 6 of my male colleagues told me that I “should work with men.”
When I asked why, one said, “Because you love men, and you’re really direct. And men need directness, when it’s coming from a place of love.”
But I wasn’t always those things.
My Dad, a Conservative Roman Catholic who worked for the FBI for 30 years, taught my siblings and I that being different (genders) meant NOT being equal.
So I grew up fiercely rebelling against anything that implied I was different from a man.
I think I just wanted to be enough.
Fast forward through 15 years of successful therapy…
A personal trainer colleague of mine
(who made jokes demeaning marriage in a room full of his married clients)
(while he was married)...
suggested I take a course in man-woman dynamics.
I felt appalled. I was shocked, given who had said it. I was even offended.
It rankled me for three weeks
… so I KNEW I had to take the damn course.
(Even though I was convinced that I didn’t need it.)
In the Class, I Learned Some Ideas that (I Thought) Could not POSSIBLY Apply to the Amazing, Evolved Men I was Connecting with at the Time.
(I’ll tell you one theory of my own that emerged from this training in just a minute…)
Except when I asked them, every single man 100% agreed with those concepts.
Apparently, the perspective I had developed for safety… that men and women were the same… was not true.
I was shocked, shaken, destabilized.
It activated my primal fear of maybe-Dad-was-right. That if men and women were different, did it mean that we’re not equal?
Did this mean that maybe I was not enough?
That no matter what I DID, I still wouldn’t BE enough.
I imagine you know what that fear is like.
While I Did Not Enjoy That Fear Being Poked, I Knew I Had to Lean into it…
and be willing to learn what I apparently did not know:
That while men and women are equal, we are also different.
And how this might actually be a good thing…
So I did.
I took a year-long course.
Twice.
Bought every book I could get my hands on.
Got trained as a female coach in the Authentic Man Program.
And what I consistently began to hear from men was that they felt safe with me.
They felt like they could be themselves with me. They felt free.
Completely unsolicited feedback.
It happened with every man I spent more than 20 minutes with.
We were both surprised when they often said “I haven’t told that to anyone else before.”
What I learned was that, as passionately encouraging as I am of therapy, It’s important to use the right tool for the job. Maybe several tools for the same job. I needed therapy to heal the deep personal wounds from my Dad.
We ALSO need the tools of a specific body of knowledge to learn how men’s and women’s operating systems function differently
… in order to produce the results we want when using that particular OS.
(Heads up: I’m about to ask you if you are happy with the results of your relationship.)
But First, Here’s the Theory I Promised You Above...
Briefly, let’s imagine that we are all computers. We all connect to the internet, send email, and are able to print. But let’s say that testosterone-based beings are PCs, and estrogen-based beings are Apples.
If we try to communicate with and get an Apple to do the same thing as a PC, not only are we NOT going to get the results we want, but it would be silly to expect that we could.
This works both ways! Apples “shouldn’t” try to get PCs to act like Apples.
However, NONE of us could possibly have known this (huge) bit of wisdom, because we were given each other’s operating manual in f***ing Tagalog ;-)
… or, you know, not at all.
So I teach men how to use the Apple system so that she can hear your language.
Insert joke about how I rarely read the instructions either, but that I would have LOOOVED having THESE particular instructions! They DEFINITELY would have saved me (and my partners) a LOT of heartache through the years.
After Hearing So Many Positive Results About Men Feeling Like They Could be Themselves with Me...
I began applying my Operating System theory (and others) to the work I was already doing.
For example, in the couples’ dance classes that I’ve now been teaching for 27 years,
(email me if you want to see my video with more than 8 million 9 million views :-)
the person in the couple who takes the lead, can be supportive for whatever their partner needs to say or express, whether that’s on a dance floor or in a relationship conversation.
I Had Also Been a Massage Therapist for 22 Years
So I started teaching lessons about touch skills in my relationship classes.
By practicing specific attachment-building exercises, couples could build safety and trust much more easily with touch than just with words.
Then, in 2013, I Taught a Class Called “Challenge to Men”
Which challenged men to raise their integrity around sex… by teaching each man how to invite his partner to raise her integrity around sex.
The response was astounding. The room was overflowing with 100 men… we had to turn men away at the door for lack of space. More than half the men stayed after the class to ask me to teach in their countries.
And that’s how I started traveling full time for 6 years, teaching classes for men and relationship classes for couples.
However, when the couples’ techniques I was teaching with a partner stopped working for us, I knew I needed to look deeper. We stopped teaching and began doing our own attachment work.
I Understood How Attachment Was the Deepest, Most Effective Therapy We Could Possibly Do, So After I Completed My Therapy, I Started Training to Teach Attachment Exercises.
Because I could design my traveling to any location, I was able to condense 9 years of attachment training with 7 different teachers into a 3 year period.
I then began integrating attachment work into the work I was doing with Men’s Groups.
I committed to keeping my travel within the U.S. for a year (and then I extended it another year).
So that I could provide a container for men in groups in the U.S. to challenge me, as I stood in for the women in their lives, either now or in their pasts…
So men could have an experience of a woman, both able and actually eager to hold their pain, their sadness, their bitterness, their resentment, their anger, and their fears, with compassion.
And welcome all of them.
“I’ve started, led and trained others to lead men’s groups for 20 years. Men’s lives were saved, others created relationships they never thought possible, and there are the men who went on to create life-changing organizations. Once we had a strong group, I pushed the men to occasionally bring in a female facilitator. Over the last two years, Erin Brandt visited our network of groups, bringing her deep love and respect for men. The men’s initial resistance quickly thawed once they experienced a woman being real with them. They opened up to experiencing Erin’s unique gifts. One powerful process she did with each man was to sit in to represent any woman in their life. We had men who in the past did deep work, going to places I never saw them go. Not any woman could not only hold the space for a man in that way—but with her presence invite a man to go deeper than he ever had. ”
Owen Marcus, Founder of Sandpoint Men’s Group
Now, I Teach Men (and Couples) How Healthy Masculinity is an Expression of Secure Attachment.
With love and directness.
So, here’s my loving and direct question to you, if you have a partner. (Don’t worry, if you don’t have a partner, I have a question for you, too, in just a moment…)
“Are you happy with the results of your relationship?”
If you are, that’s FANTASTIC.
I’m here for you when the natural speed bumps in a relationship arrive.
If you aren’t happy with your results, no worries.
It only takes one person to change the entire dynamic. A partner can’t react the same way they do now if, tomorrow, you start saying different things to them.
And if you don’t have a partner now, my question is simply:
Are you happy with the results of your past relationships?
Are there places you used to get stuck that still haunt you, that you still think about?
Men, regardless of your relationship status,
Bring those examples, memories, situational questions.
I’m here to offer practical, tangible tools.
Let’s problem-solve together now, so you can be even more effective within all your relationships, you can help your current or future partner be happier, and you can live healthier and die happier.
My Commitment to You:
You’ve just read about how hard I’ve fought to heal myself from the pain my Dad caused
… through all the steps of healing:
- from empowerment,
- through accountability,
- to compassion and then
- to championing.
This is the ferocity of care that I’ve dedicated to my own healing.
And now I’m on your team.
You’ve got me.
I’m on your side.
I've got your back.
My healing has created deep wells of energy to complete the natural cycle of appreciation in me…
From being wounded by a man
(to understand how his parents wounded him)
… to Appreciating Men… full time.
And…
Don't believe me. Don't trust me.
Read my sh*t. Here are the videos. (pocket product hyperlink)
See if they make sense to you.
If they help you trust me.
And if they are actually valuable to you.
I trust your gut to know what’s right for YOU, NOW.
- This PDF is exactly how to handle it when she wants you to “Just listen!” even though you can see the solution.
- These videos are about her deepest need, her deepest desire, and the most powerful gift you can offer her. (pocket product hyperlink)
BOTH the PDF and the videos offer action steps that you can practice with women in your life right now.
Try it. Test it.
Then decide if what I’m saying works for you.
If it actually makes your life better.
And if you’d like to work with me further, I’m here for you.
I’m open.
“Within 30 minutes, I felt a new sense of purpose in my life. The work only got deeper from there.”
Roger
What I like is that you offer deep targeted insight directly. It’s the depth of your insight that I enjoy most. I get great value from you, life-changing moments.
Darryl - Scotland
I can’t tell you how refreshing and on point your Challenge for Men was. Your compassion for us men was moving, I thank you in the name of all the guys there. It felt amazing to be acknowledged and understood as men and what we go through. This is so, so very rare.
Alfredo
Erin has an embracing, welcoming, no-nonsense openness that feels very powerful to me. I see her as an insisting presence that challenges me sweetly and courageously to be the best man I can possibly be.
Jazz Musician, Norway
WOW! What an incredible fucking gift Erin Brandt is.
It felt edgy to bring a woman into our group as a facilitator. Our circle embraces edgy. And what would we really be risking if we had her join us?
The moment she stepped into our circle of men I could feel the energy she brought, both grounding and magical. It quickly became apparent that Erin has a deep appreciation for the healthy masculine from a feminine perspective. Combine that with her highly tuned facilitation skills and it made for an impactful evening.
I sit with a group of powerful men and Erin was able to create and facilitate an evening where men worked in ways that would not otherwise have been accessible to them.
Our group is already planning another evening with Erin when she comes back to Denver in July. If you get the chance to work with this incredible woman, take it.
Jim Norland
MKP Denver, CO
It was immensely powerful to have a woman like Erin acknowledge the frustrations and deep challenges we face as men to connect sexually with women. She understood it on a deep emotional level.
It is a constant personal challenge being faced with so much sexuality and not being able to do a whole lot about it. Like it is so close yet so out of your reach.
The meditation we did imagining having a woman’s “penetrable opening” was very illuminating towards the vulnerability of women having this organ which can be the source of great pleasure but yet incredible hurt. Hence the need to feel comfortable, connected and secure with a partner.
Erin, your role playing scenarios of how to frame the communication with women is also quite powerful. The idea of allowing ourselves to have desires but not “dumping it” on the other person was quite valuable as well.
Anonymous
I have never seen someone teach like Erin that was so attuned to each person in the room. It was beautiful to feel her passion for her subject and her deep empathy for the frustration that men experience in the bedroom. I was blown away with Erin’s passion for the plight of both men and women and her insightful solutions to resolving the impasse that stops them from having and enjoying sex. She helped open a door for me in dealing with my wife that allows me to respect my desires and my wife’s desires at the same time.
I believe that a lot of men and women are frustrated around sex and I am thrilled that finally, someone has the courage to stand up and say that what is happening sucks and has come up with solutions that work.
Anonymous
What I remember most from my workshop with Erin is the inclusivity she exudes. There were many big and small a-ha moments during and after the simple but powerful exercises, and hearing my partner share what he got from some of them just amazed me. It felt like such a gift to have him hold me at one point, I felt totally soft... understood and held.
The masculine-feminine dynamics Erin described were very helpful in normalizing in explaining what goes on between us. I re-realized how simple it actually is to get in touch with my emotions if I just make some space for that. In the leading-following couples’ movement exercise I felt how easily I re-take control of a situation, robbing my partner of the chance to lead me. And how much I actually long to let go of the reins.
(Miriam), a woman
I give Erin my highest recommendation. I came to Erin with 3 purposes: personal growth/ support, professional education, and professional coaching supervision. In a very short period of time I went FROM emotionally unstable and insecure with a severe long time unhealthy habit TO feeling emotionally stable, secure, and for the first time ever feeling like I can finally kick this unhealthy habit! To boot, I picked up a wide and vast array of valuable information about how therapy works so that I can help others with their problems. And so many tips and tricks for me to integrate into my own lifestyle. Erin's ability to hold all of me, all of my agendas (both personal needs and learning coaching tools), and wield multiple threads at once is pure mastery. Thank you Erin!
Nathan Shultz
ELEVATE, Founder
I admit I had reservations about Erin coming to my ManKind Project men’s group. I thought, “What can a woman teach a bunch of men without bashing men for who they are? She is not a man so how can she possibly know our inner experiences?” Well, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised.
She has done years of personal work around men’s and women’s issues. She has much training around men’s issues and has years of experience working with men’s groups. She honors all the positive things about men. She is very comfortable around men and has this amazing ability to put men at ease and let them authentically express themselves without having to “filter because a woman is present”. This was so powerful for me because unfiltered communication can be quite scary or offensive to some women.
Yet, she is able to set firm yet loving boundaries needed for authentic communication. Just as women desire to feel safe around men, Erin created a wonderful space so the men in my group and I could feel safe, and authentically communicate things we would not normally share to either men or women. I learned things about my group of brothers that I did not know before. Erin is an amazing gift to men, women and this world. I look forward to taking her other workshops.
Thank you again for your work.
Tim Illig
Erin’s Education
- Assisted in Diane Poole Heller’s DARE trainings, 2018-19
- Diane Poole Heller’s DARE Trainings, Level 1-4 (twice each), 2016-17
- Stan Tatkin’s PACT Level I & Level II Trainings (twice each), 2016-17
- Transformational Coaching & Leadership Training, 2008
- Female Coach at Authentic Man Program, 2008-present
- PAX Programs, (twice each program) 2007-present
- MS, Exercise Science and Health Promotion: Injury Prevention and Performance Enhancement, California University of Pennsylvania, 2004
- Corrective Exercise Specialist, Performance Enhancement Specialist, Certified Personal Trainer, NASM (National Academy of Sports Medicine), 2006
- 1900 hours training in Massage Therapy; Nationally & CA Certified; NYS Licensed, 1996
- BA, Psychology, University of Binghamton, 1996
